I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
