I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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