So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
