I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
