Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
