Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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