My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
