you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
