Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
