how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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