Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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