it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
