You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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