Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize