i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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