I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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