YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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