I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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