Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
