Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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