i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
God I need to hump something, right now.
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