Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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