Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
