I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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