mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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