I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
