he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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