it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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