I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize