Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
