You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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