I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize