Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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