Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
