i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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