i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
