Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
