I'm so fucking centered right now
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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