I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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