you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
