piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
