i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
