moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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