Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
