I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
