I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
