i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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