Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i think my cat just said my name.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
