well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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