those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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