He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
