We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
