Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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