please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My penis needs a shock collar
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
