My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
