I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
