By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
