We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
