...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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