I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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