yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
