one two three fourrrrnication!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
