the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
