lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
