I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
