You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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