Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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