we're blogging at a bar
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
