i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Never underestimate the power of titties
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
