I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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